Hiring in the Wild: If Animals Had to Pass Background Checks

Let’s say nature had an HR department.
There’s a startup in the jungle, a boardroom in the savanna, and some very competitive resumes flying in from the forest floor. But before any animal gets hired, there’s one step they can’t skip: the background check.

At Bchex, we take vetting seriously—but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun. What would it look like if the Animal Kingdom had to go through screening, just like the rest of us?

Let’s imagine what might show up on some of nature’s most iconic candidates.

The Lion — Applying for CEO

Resume Highlights:

Natural leader

Commands attention

Great at setting boundaries (especially territorial ones)

Background Check Flags:

Aggression history—may intimidate peers

Past incidents of hoarding resources

Occasionally seen sleeping on the job (up to 20 hours a day)

HR Notes:
Possesses strong executive presence but may need coaching on collaboration and delegation. Risk of dominating team meetings... literally.

The Chameleon — Applying for Brand Manager

Resume Highlights:

Highly adaptable

Blends into any environment

Expert in shifting tone and messaging

Background Check Flags:

Identity inconsistencies

Difficult to track performance trends due to frequent changes

Reputation for avoiding conflict (and sometimes responsibility)

HR Notes:
Would thrive in dynamic environments but may require clarity around accountability and team visibility. Great candidate for flexible roles.

The Owl — Applying for Head of Strategy

Resume Highlights:

Excellent vision (literally and figuratively)

Deep thinker

Works best in quiet environments

Background Check Flags:

Mostly nocturnal—meeting availability may be an issue

Past roles often solo; may struggle with cross-functional work

HR Notes:
Brilliant mind for long-term vision but may not thrive in fast-paced or highly social teams. Worth the extra effort if paired with a strong executor.

The Dolphin — Applying for Culture Lead

Resume Highlights:

High emotional intelligence

Great communicator

Strong sense of team bonding

Background Check Flags:

May be overly playful in formal settings

Prior concerns about distracting others with click noises and jumping antics

HR Notes:
Top-tier team player with natural social skills. Will likely be the heart of the team, as long as expectations are clear. Strong "culture add."

The Squirrel — Applying for Financial Analyst

Resume Highlights:

Expert at saving and storing

High-energy multitasker

Fast mover, fast thinker

Background Check Flags:

History of hoarding behavior

Occasionally buries things and forgets where

Nervous under pressure

HR Notes:
Detail-oriented and budget-conscious but may need help managing deadlines and anxiety during quarterly reviews. Great potential with the right manager.

Final Thoughts: Even in the Wild, Fit Matters

At the end of the day, the best teams—human or otherwise—are built on trust, alignment, and self-awareness. While this is (thankfully) just a light-hearted take, the principles behind it still stand: